Mayhem's 11

Gave my first exam yesterday..was pretty good.
Nov 27th to Dec 8th are a crucial and testing set of 11 days.
My schedule is packed with a dozen things..
and I keep working them as they come..
Had just 3 hours of sleep yesterday....gonna Crash after this Post !

Working day in and day out to ensure that both the project and my revision are on schedule is hard.
But there's a certain satisfaction in the feeling that it's being done in spite of everything.

It would have been a lot easier if a Certain Someone I adore...
....hadn't chosen to go underground . :-)
But I guess it's Okay...Priorities do take Precedence.
I of all people.....am pretty aware of that.


Started the FB project a day before the exams.....it's Awesome !
Both as a Project and an Experience.
It's a little intimidating to work among people who created things that I use everyday.
I have to be twice as good as I thought I was..if I have to meet even half of their expectations.
Not to mention I have another 10 days of exams.
It's also pretty humbling to see people with brains like theirs just being 'people'.

It opens me up to a whole new dimension and perspective on how things really work.
Smart and Bright and all that I thought I was.....I realize that it means nothing.
The world cares about Results and that's all there is to it.
"It's not who we are...but what we do that defines us..."..a line I remember from a movie that I can't remember.
But that's my new driving line.

There are people on that floor who have already done the things that I consider the big goals of my life
and to them..it's just the start.
Chris runs two companies in London and  an orphanage in Guntur...The man is down to earth and balanced in attitude.
He's put a lesson in place that I hope I never forget no matter where I am.
A lesson that I learnt a little late...but not too late.

It's gonna be an enriching experience to work with these people and I pray.....
That by the time we're done....by the time I'm done...
I'll be taking home something that will last me a lifetime.
The values and perspective are all that matter.
More than the ephemeral ecstasy of a material existence.

Chewing Hard.....

I've done it before....risked a lot and barely pulled through.
I told(swore to) myself that I wouldn't mess around again....
The last time was fun and paid well too...
but it put me in a spot where my academics were on the edge.
There were mixed feelings of accomplishment and nervousness.
Nevertheless I pulled through......

Funny thing about the the way my life turns out ...
Is that the best opportunities always come when my hands are already full.
But I've piled them on and never regretted it.
A Development Project during my Pre-Finals.... a trip to Goa in between my Finals.
A Set of Mid-Sems just after a College festival or a Theater Workshop during my Finals.

They never come with a warning and they're always too precious to let go.
So when Chris Evans told me he had a Facebook Project for me......It was Deja Vu and a lot more.

I've got a couple of things on my list that I need to get done.
Running my own company and my very own NGO are two of the most important.
But it takes a lot more than a 'wish' to run a company and a lot more than 'good intentions' to run an NGO.
So this opportunity is some what of a Big Fish and a step in the direction that I know I had always been looking for.

The tricky part is ...I got my exams all of this month and the next ....they are my last set in the course.
They are not something a night-out can cater to..
and FaceBook is not something that hits you early one Morning.
So I gotta take the plunge and keep my fingers crossed....Gotta Go the Distance and keep it from going sideways.

I've done it before and it did pay off...but I've never put so much at stake.
I got exams to pull through and a client to impress...I mess up one and it tolls my focus on the other.
To anyone but moi.....the saying "Bitten more than one can Chew" would be an apt title for this post.
Could weather this gracefully or fail miserably...either way I'll still have my sense of humor !

But come to think of it.......the less I 'think' about the mess I'm in........the better my chances of gettin through it.

Perpetuate in Your Own Direction

When You've realized that there's more than one side to something....or everything....
It means You get the Bigger Picture of things......
and also means......that you have the ability paint the Bigger Picture.

You mean the World to Someone.....and when the time comes.... you will mean more than just 'Someone' to the World.

Realize that the world is your canvass.....
and now that you know...how bout you paint us something amazing ?? :-)

Looking forward to the Beautiful Things that will stem from this Realization....:-)

.....and God Bless all those who give us amazing Blogs ! :-)

Expectives and Perspectation

Pretty much been my own Boss all my life.
Did the things I've wanted to do...been the things I've wanted to be....
When I look back....I cherish some of the decisions I've made while regretting a few..

A lot of things that I am and am not are a consequence of my own doing.
As smart as I thought I was...I now realize that I never knew any better....
that what I know and who I am...would only deserve some credit....
in admitting how much more I have to know and how much more I have to be.

Despite having done so much in my life...I realize that in one frame of thought it means everything while meaning nothing in the other.Where I stand and look at myself in the mirror of my mind...
I stand wearing the hat of a fool who's believes he's accomplished something
...... by having proven his worth to a bunch of others.

The others...who will forget..the others...who will detest and the others who will not matter.
I've always known that It'll take a lot for me to figure out who I am.....
Which is why I find it hard to hold on to my heroes,they just don't mean much after a while.
An old friend once suggested the 'The Fountainhead' to put some direction and perspective.
Been resisting it for years...maybe I'll turn it's pages sometime....I don't know.


There are certain things in life that keep me going...
...a sense of ambition..a need to prove myself ( here we go again ! )
...being driven and kept sane by the presence of someone...
whom I've been drawn to since the day I saw her...
the reason I believe in these things so much....
is that they don't disappear and are a part of me in every way.
They transcend time and distance....survive the best and the worst...and continue to lead the way.

The important thing in life is to keep moving.
Stop when you need to figure out directions but don't stop for good.
There's so much out there....it'll shape you in ways you can't imagine.
And if I know any better...you'll never regret it.

I put these words in place to fill the emptiness that I feel right now.
The knowledge that my world as I know it is coming to an Elegant End.
I look back at the years spent in college...
They make me smile with a sense of ownership and accomplishment.
But I look forward and all of that means zilch....
...there's a whole new world that I have to build and I've no clue where to start.
The years before were Bliss !

So what now ?...what do we do ?..I've got things to learn and places to be.
I plan to get to the border but before that...will be going to Kurnool to rebuild some of it.

There's people who are gonna teach me with or without their knowledge....what to do and what not to.
There's a whole world out there that I have to see and will do so....come what may.
There's someone that I want to be and will be ......so come what may...
and in the the process also figure out who I want to be. :-)

Will put myself through the thick and thin of it all and see you on the other side.
There's somewhere I need to start....can't put my finger on it...but who knows....maybe I've started already.

Aaaaargh!

Exams driving me nuts !!! :-o

Ode to Ye :-)

I'm Happy for You...will always be,
You got tons to do and loads to see.
So make the most of the ride you're on,
And Young Critic...do go easy on the Pop Corn ! :-)

The Old Family

7.26 pm ..Oct23....

The phone rings and gets handed to me...
"Hello ?"
"Hi Baap !"....sounds deadly familiar...Holy Mother of God !
Turn down that song and say again,"Haalo!!!???"
"Hi"....
Oh...My....God!.....
"Milega Kya ?".........
"You bet !"
"Be at your place in 30min"...Click.


Got dressed in a hurry dashed for my garage.....She was there in 20 mins...
The same old blue Nova..same worn out jacket that we picked up in college.
I hadn't changed much either..same old orange and blue jacket
..hadn't gained an ounce of weight...and still had the lamest sense of humor.
Same old...Same old.

She pulled off her helmet and I gave her a little slap...the way I always did.
Two and a half years had made no difference...
Felt like we had met just yesterday.

Nicky,Arjun and Me had been friends since Bhavan's.
Arjun and Me from BasketBall Practice....Nicky and Me from French Class.
We'd been together for 5 years and had pulled through thick and thin.
Meeting her after 2 and a half years had brought back
memories that had made and shaped me.
We spilt in 2007 after things had gotten too complicated for me to deal with....
Was going through a rough patch and didn't know how else to handle things.

But she was here now and I knew what to do next....
Dialled Arjun's number...

"Hello ?"
"Your caller tune's still the same.."
"@#$%^*....you still exist..."
"Come on over...Nicky's here too."
"Can't....maybe tomorrow."
Would take another 4 days before we could get him.

Anyway...we got on her Nova and drove around...went to the old places.
Spoke of the old days and what was goin on...
She spoke of life in Ahmedabad...
I spoke of college....and how it's comin to an end.
Still clueless as always...yet somehow...things fall in place.


Finally got Arjun over for dinner....had a blast and clicked a few pics.
It's been so long and we've not even spoke to...let alone seen each other.
The funny thing is...it doen't feel like it's been that long.

I've know today that there are certain ties that can't be broken.
and no matter how long or far it's been...some things still feel like yesterday.
When I'm with these guys...My life changing over these 3 years seems to never have happened.
But it speaks for the equation we have and how we're connected...beyond time and distance.

To put things in perspective...
The newer bonds and affections that have grown on me....
I would want them to stand the test of time and distance..like this one right here.
One already has.....it's ironic that I barely know anything...
My best knowledge being.....the amazing pictures taken and a love for hot chocolate.

Told these guys bout the trips I'd taken and we decided to take the next one together.

So...my exams start tomorrow..and I've got butterflies in my stomach...
Got to make some coffee....
If I pull through with the colors I wish for....I'll be backpackin again..
Hell I'll be backpackin anyway....maybe in between papers like I did last time !